Thank you brother

I never thought I'd actually post something like this about my brother 'cos as you all know we don't have loads of things in common however lately I have been discovering that he's changed a little bit, of course he's still shallow and less "rational" than me but I totally respect him, anyway I'm posting about him 'cos this weekend he has taught me not to take anger in a personal way.

It all happened yesterday when we were having lunch at my grandmother's house, I was feeling a bit moody 'cos I just couldn't feel comfortable in that family environment and well I always sit next to my grandmother (I'm her spoilt nephew :P) and she's always nice with me but again since I was feeling a bit uncomfortable I felt desperate and suddenly mhen I was eating my soup my brother took a pictre of me with his phone and everyone laughed so I just couldn't stand it and I told him in an angry way to quit bothering me (He had been taking pictures of me all day long). I just couldn't help reacting that way because of the thoughts and feelings I had so I reacted in that way but I felt a bit guilty afterwards 'cos it wasn't his fault but I thought "You need to have your own personality and if that action made u feel angry then it's ok to express it" however it wasn't only the fact that everyone laughed because he took the picture, I was also feeling out of place and a bit angry so I thought that maybe I had been a bit harsh on my brother and I knew he would be mad at me but to my surprise after a few hours he was joking with me again and to be honest I felt a relief 'cos I didn't mean to be so rude and well this made me think about my brother's reaction towards anger 'cos today I noticed that my mum got mad at him and well after a few hours he was joking with her again.

I feel really happy about finding out this because from now on I'm gonna try to be like that 'cos it's healthier... in the end anger is just a feeling and like we all know life isn't always pink so of course we'll have little fights or angry moments with the people that surround us since it's something natural but we should never think that just because of an angry moment we're gonna stop talking to someone or we're gonna lose him/her -in some cases it can be like that but it would be 'cos the other person decides it -.

Wishin' and hopin'

I haven't been able to update my blog during the last weeks because I had been really busy with school and some mixed up changes in my life.

I must admit that since I met my gay friend things have been easier for me in some aspects because well at least I can have fun with him and his friends and at the same time I'm learning more about myslf and the "gay side" I hadn't been able to develop before and that's great 'cos it's part of my personality (lol I'm not talkign about turning into a woman haha). In the beginning I wasn't 100% sure about hanging out with them 'cos some of them are like really girly fom time to time and I'm not like that but after thinking it oer I realised I shouldn't be so strict with myself because I can still have fun with them even if we're no 100% the same so I'm gad I refelcted about it. Of course I've been visitnig some gay bars and well I'm still a bit shy when it comes to flirting but I'm not ashamed or worried about it, I'm sure it'll happen when the time is right and I'm glad I kn this way because even if I'm not 100% aware of it I knwo that this changes in my life are or better and they will help me to deelop myself as a man.

On the other hand school has also been keeping me a bit pressured and well thankfully I have been handlig this in the right way mainly because of my friends´ advices 'cos we always do homework together and stuff like that so it's a bit easier but well my gay life and school are not the only things that have ben keeping me busy, stressed or sad.. right now I'm having a 2 weeks break from school so I've returned to my real home and well I've been facing some uncomfortable feelings, feelings that used to bother me back when I was in High School, I forget them when I'm at Uni 'cos over there I can be myself however everytime I come back home I can't help remembering them. I like being the way I am and I don't care about what other people think but sometimes I just can't explain to myself why am I so different to any regular guy who's my age, why don't I feel interested in driving or why do I like artists that no-one else over here cares about.. so that's why rigt now I'm just wishin' and hopin' to find an answer.

Some Uni friends and me having breakfast during our lunch time, we worked as staff for this worlwide Architecture congress called Arquine.

A night out with some mates, it happened last Thursday lol I was really really excited 'cos the DJ played a remix of "Spice Up Your Life" as well as "I Don't Feel Like Dancin'" by the Scissor Sisters.

True friendship

During this week I've been feeling a lot of pressure because of Uni, I think it's one of the most hectic weeks I've had since I started to study Architecture and well as a consequence of that I've been feeling a bit down/stressed/angry and well yesterday we had a class with a terrible teacher who seems to be really calmed down and nice but well in reality she's a b*** lol normally I'm not like that when it comes to teachers but it's the first time I feel so mad about a teacher's attitude.



The thing is that each and every class she asks for a certain work to be done and in the end she tells you your projects needs to be changed in this and that way and every time you ask her for a "green light" so that you can handle it in she makes a correction .... !! anyway, yesterday we had this special day at the Uni to celebrate the Uni's day :P so no-one was supposedto have classes however Achitecture's Principal decided we should have classes so we did have classes and the class of this teacher was the last one so we asked to let us go out instead of having the class and she was just like "Ok, but you'll have more work for the next class, just handle in your homeworks.... if you didn't finish them you can do that right now" (it all sounded perfect!) however we had to work 3 hours (the actaul time of the class) on our homework 'cos she carried on aksing us for more and more details :S I was really angry lol I even felt like breaking my plastic pen but I decided I would just focus on working so that I could leave "early".



I was really focused on my work and suddenly my roommate (the one I used to fancy and who also studies Architecture) hit my back 'cos he made a joke bus I was so angry/pressured/stressed that I automatically turned around and removed his hand of my body so hard that it bounced on the table that was on my back ... of course I didn't do it with a bad intention, I didn't even felt like doing it but my brain reacted in that way 'cos I was really focused, my roommate didn't tell me anything, he just told another friend "What's wrong with him?". As soon as he finished his job he left the classroom and well by tha time I was less stressed 'cos I was about to finish as well so I started to think abou what happened, I felt awful so when I was on my way home with a friend I told him "I think I've got mental problems, I really didn't feel like doing that to my roommate, it happened automatically... I think I won't be able to talk with him to say sorry 'cos I feel really ashamed" and my friend was just like "Don't worry, I'm sure he didn't take it personal" however I couldn't help feeling extremely guilty and ashamed because it was the first time I did that to a friend.


A couple of hours later after I had dinner I decided I had to go to his bedroom so that I could talk with him, I stayed frozen infront of his door like for 5 minutes 'cos I felt I wouldn't be able to look into his eyes and say sorry but well I decided I should just knock without thinking about the way I was feeling and as soon as I knocked and said "It's me" he was just like "What's up, come on in" so I entered his bedroom and started to say how ashamed and sorry I felt and he said "Don't worry about that honestly, I know you well and I know that u reacted in that way 'cos were stressed, you're not like that so if you made that is because you were focused, I don't even feel bad or anything I totally understand it" however I carried on expressing my repentance and he started to laugh and said "You know, you make me laugh 'cos you carry one feeling sorry even though I have told you you don't have anythign to worry about" lol after 20 minutes of talking about it I felt ok and we carried on talking as if nothing had happened. This made me feel really happy and lucky about having him as a friend and roommate because he showed me how true our friendship is and I think it'sthe first time it happens to me with a "real" friend and it feels nice, when I left his bedroom I thanked him for everything and he was just like "You don't have to say thank you". I was feeling really happy and amazed, honestly, it's great knowing that someone cares about you; of course I know I couldn't tell him I'm gay 'os he's really narrow-minded and he is totally straight but well at this point I don't think that the fact that he doesn't knwo i'm gay is somehitng that can make me feel uncomfortable 'cos it doens't matter when it comes to our relationship.

Here's a pic of me with him, he's the guy with the wite cap.