I'm feeling dog-tired

After a kinda hectic weekend... it all started on saturday night when we were supposed to pick up my brother at 11:30 pm at the airport... eventually the arrival of his flight changed to 12:30 am so when we arrived at the airport we started to try to spot him but we couldn't! so my parents asked 2 policemen hat wear near if they knew anything about my brother's flight so they said it arrived at 12:00 am and that most of the people that were in that fligt went to another gate. So we went to another gate and tried to find him but again we couldn't but this time my mum found his flight on the arrivals screens so we realised he wouldn't arrive until 2:30 am ..... (the policemen lied :S).

After we resigned to the fact that we would have to wait until 3:45 am for my brother to arrive (the flight was delayed again) we went to a restaurant and had something to eat and drink, after waiting a long time my sister and I feel asleep haha in the middle of the restaurant :P but anyway my brother arrived at 3:50 am so we got home at 5:00 am but I went to bed at 6:00 am 'cos I had to was my face and my teeth (it takes me a lot of time, believe me).

Next day I woke up at 11:00 am 'cos it was father's day so we were going to have a family gathering to celebrate it, throughout the day I tried to get some sleep by escaping to my bedroom but my parents would alwas wake me up 'cos it was lunchtime or 'cos someone was about to leave and I had to say goodbye...

After a loooong time

I'm back again, I know I stopped posting some months ago but it's just that I really didn't feel like blogging mainly because school was keeping me very busy with all my subjects and also because I kinda had an active social life.



I think I should start by saying I'm very happy with my friends t university because even though they're not gay I've been feeling a bit more comoftable with them as tie passes by and that's just great. Some months ago I even slept at the house of one of them after this nice party we had, and for me that's kinda good 'cos I hadn't stayed at a friend's house for 2 or 3 years now.
Some of my new friends and me!


In terms of my sexuality I've been having quite alot of changed when it comes to my mood about it because I'm starting to appreciate Gil, my gay friend, more and more. He said we could have soemthing in the future and that made me feel happy however nothing has happened until now but I'm not mad nor sad.. I will just let things flow. On the "kinky" side, loads of things have happened aswell 'cos about 2 weeks ago I went out with Gil and the rest of the "gay gang" lol and well despte having a geat day with Gil and watching sme movies with him I got sucked for the first time (!!) lol it was something nice and kinda spontaneous and it happened with a guy I met that day (friend of Gil). The weirdest part of it is that it all happened in the terrace of a gay club haha however I didn't do anything inappropriate and no-one noticed it!

Last but not least I'm also really happy with myself because I came out to one of my closest friend. He studies architecture as well and we're together almost all the time, it was a great thing because wlel we've known eachthe sice we were in primary school (he's from my hometown as well) and well he told me he's ok with it, 'cos he's bi so it's nice because from now on I'll be able to be my lef with him and it just feel amazing!


(Poncho and me, he's the friend I came out to)

In terms of school I'm currently free because my summer holidays started almost 2 weeks ago, I have 2 months off and it feels great. I've been relaxing during this time however I do get bored from time to time so that's why I applied for 2 jobs, at a coffee shop and at a magazines shop, I don't relly know it they will call me back but I really hope so because I wanna do smething productive and I'm really xcited about what would be my first job :D

Thank you brother

I never thought I'd actually post something like this about my brother 'cos as you all know we don't have loads of things in common however lately I have been discovering that he's changed a little bit, of course he's still shallow and less "rational" than me but I totally respect him, anyway I'm posting about him 'cos this weekend he has taught me not to take anger in a personal way.

It all happened yesterday when we were having lunch at my grandmother's house, I was feeling a bit moody 'cos I just couldn't feel comfortable in that family environment and well I always sit next to my grandmother (I'm her spoilt nephew :P) and she's always nice with me but again since I was feeling a bit uncomfortable I felt desperate and suddenly mhen I was eating my soup my brother took a pictre of me with his phone and everyone laughed so I just couldn't stand it and I told him in an angry way to quit bothering me (He had been taking pictures of me all day long). I just couldn't help reacting that way because of the thoughts and feelings I had so I reacted in that way but I felt a bit guilty afterwards 'cos it wasn't his fault but I thought "You need to have your own personality and if that action made u feel angry then it's ok to express it" however it wasn't only the fact that everyone laughed because he took the picture, I was also feeling out of place and a bit angry so I thought that maybe I had been a bit harsh on my brother and I knew he would be mad at me but to my surprise after a few hours he was joking with me again and to be honest I felt a relief 'cos I didn't mean to be so rude and well this made me think about my brother's reaction towards anger 'cos today I noticed that my mum got mad at him and well after a few hours he was joking with her again.

I feel really happy about finding out this because from now on I'm gonna try to be like that 'cos it's healthier... in the end anger is just a feeling and like we all know life isn't always pink so of course we'll have little fights or angry moments with the people that surround us since it's something natural but we should never think that just because of an angry moment we're gonna stop talking to someone or we're gonna lose him/her -in some cases it can be like that but it would be 'cos the other person decides it -.

WOW

First of all I wanna say sorry for my lack of updates this week, I returned to college and well I had a nice comeback, it was nice to see my friends again as well as meeting 2 new house mates and I can't coplain about the teachers I chose so I'm quite happy, I'm liking it a bit more.

Anyway yesterday (Friday) I returned to my home as I do almost every weekend while I study in Mexico, almost everyone at home was feeling in a nice mood 'co my brother would go to Detroit for 1 week as part of of a school trip, which cnsited in visiting different car factories as well as going to a Car's show/expo. which is on of the most important ones in the world, my brother loves cars just as much as I love music, and well he was really excited about it.

After we had lunch my dad said we'd go out 'cos my brother wanted to search for a suit sice we have a cousin's wedding soon so we went out and after we visited a store my dad told me we'd go to an electronics store wich is also a huge stationary so I wentwith him andmy brother and my sister stayed in the car, when I was there I asked him why were there and he tld me he was going to buy a new laptop for my brother (:S), i felt a bit surprised 'cos well he had just paid my brother's trip to Detroit + he was going to give him money to spend there but I didn't say anything 'cos in the end it's not my money and well I already know how selfish my brother is, anyway after some minutes I got desperate and asked my dad if I could give him a notebook and a pen I wanted to buy so that he could pay them as soon as he paid the laptop and I went to the car with my sister.

When I started to tell her about the laptop she got really mad and she started to explain me a lot of little things that made her feel so mad about it because of my dad's attitude towards her whenever she asks him for something (even ifit's a stupid chocolate, my dad compains about going to a supermarket so that she can buy one!) and well my brother told him he wanted to get the laptop before his trip and my dad said yes and decided to buy it... my sister was really mad, her voice sounded really angry and she had tears in her eyes and of course in that moment I felt really sorry for her (I'm teary now indeed) because I understand her but of course there's not a lot of thing that I can do so I just told her that she sould talk with my parents about it and well I said phrase that my dad taught me a few years ago when I lost a good "friend" (my first gay crush) "Everything falls down because of it´s own weight" and I said this because well my brother normally has a rude attitude towards my dad because of his personaity and his way of driving and yesterday he was acting as if that didn't bother to him and well aso 'cos he had been a bit stubborn about getting a new laptop (he's a material person).

While we were on our way home I couldn't help letting a few tears out 'cos I was feelingsad for my sister and also for my dad because I know he lovesmy brother and it seems as if my brother only cared about money and I also felt bit sorry for the sik personality my brother has and well when we got home my brother started to pack his luggage so time passed by a bit quickly, he asked me to lend him one of my hats because the temperature in Dteroit would be of -14ºC , we a laugh while he was trying my hats (I couldn't show my anger towards him 'cos I was also feling sorry) . After he packed his luggage he remembered to take out his Passport and his Visa and when he did it he realised that his Passport was expired..... I was with him in that moment and I didn't know what to say, I thought he'd hit me or something but he didn't he just said "Why didn't I check this before".. he was gutted and well he told my parents who din't know what to say or do, I suggestted my dad to cancel the airplane tckets so that he could go later but well I don't know what they decided to do, my sister said "You're the only one who thinks in this family 'cos my parets don't say anything about it" but well it's not my parents fault either.

Anyway this was really shocking because when I told my sister that he wouldn't go becauseo his expired password we remembered what had tsaid earlier about things falling down because of their own weight however we din't have that much time to react about this because my mum told us that my dad's mum (our grandmother) was really ill, she's 91 year old and well she's having breathing problems, my mum also said my dad cried (I have never ever seen him crying) and well I'm not being pessimist but I'm almost sure that she'll die soon so well as u guys can see I had quite a terrible Friday evening/night... I haveto admit I learnt a lot of things about life and I'm sure this will be smething I'll keep in mind anytime someone tells me I worry about some important things 'cos if I wasn't like that I'd have the same experience my brother has just had.

My birthday party

As most of you might know my birthday was on Dec 31st, however my parents decided it would be a better idea to make a party with both famillies on Dec 30th so that everyone that wasn't out for holidays could come.

I must say it was a nice party, well maybe the term family gathering would be better but I can't complain. To be honest it wasn't my idea to celebrate my birthday 'cos I'm not used to that, last year I had a family party as well but only 'cos it was my 18th birthday however since I was 9 or 10 I stopped having birthday parties. I think this year my parents wanted to make one for me because they're trying to help me feel a bit better now that they know about my situation and I appreciate it but in my opinion it's not somehtng that helps me.

As I posted it almost a year ago after my 18th birthday party last year I received some money, a wristwatch, Scissor Sistsers latest album and a Ferrari fragance, this year I only received money and I like it more because right now I'm saving all my money because I prefer to spend it on my trip to Chicago next February lol somehing funny about this is that all of my aunts/uncles used the same excuse to apologise about giving me money "I'm sorry I didn't have time to find something you would like but I think it's better if you buy whatever you want so here's some money for you".

This time we didn't have a proper time for taking pics however one of my uncles was able to take some while everybody was singing"Happy Birthday" to me, the bad thing about it is that he's really shy so he felt ashamed of telling my family to look at the camera hence I don't have good pics.

(Looking at all those candles on the cake made me feel a bit old haha)

(However my lungs are still young so I was able to blow them all)

(If only my dad had turned around I would've had a nice family pic :P)

(My sister and me with some cousins)

Hello.... again

2008 has just arrived, my birthday was yesterday (Dec 31st) and I'm 19 now.... I'm pretty excited about publishing a new entry in here 'cos it had been a looong time since I last did this, I kinda knew Uni would make it a bit difficult for me. It's not easy getting used to a new life, new home, new environment, new classmates (for the 1st time ever!!)

I would like to start this post by mentioning something I'm loving about my tangled up life style, the Spice Girls are my heroes... lol this might sound really stupid but i's not like that the thing is that 10 years ago when the Spic Girls were a strong act they used to make me feel extremely happy, I was a kid (my life seemed to be perfect) and I loved dancing around to their tunes with my sister and our best friend... as time passed by they split up, I started to grow up and I also started to discover the man I was turning into, yeah a gay guy zipped up in a narrow-minded society/environmet who started to feel awful when he realised how sad and pathetic can solitude be. Time passed me by and life just got worse for me, and it's still gettng worse however this year the Spice Girls decided to make a come back tour and all the happy memories of my childhood came back and well yeah I was on the moon when my parents allowed me to go to Chicago so that I can see them live but it's not about that, tis year I started to go to Uni and I thought my life would change in a lot of ways but unfortunately it didn't.

I moved to a students house where I had to sart growing up quickly so that loneliness coudldn't defeat me and of course I discovered one of the most important things in life, my family (in all the extension of the word) yeah I started to miss them a lot, during the week I cuoldn't wait for the weekend to come so that I could return to my home with them and well yeah I started to realise how have my family supported me during all this years of gay solitude, in which I haven't had real friends and all that suff so I just love them loads, sticking to the point the Spice Girls have been present in this trip, if it's not with the song "Mama" that makes me feel goosebupms every time I listen to it since I burned it on a cd for my mum just before I started Uni, it my dad dancing to "Who Do You Think You Are" accompanying every time I'm watching a Spice Girls dvd instead of being out "having fun" or getting drunk with my "friends" or the thought of gratefulness with my parents for allowing me to see the Spice Girls live no matter how gay can it be for the rest of the people and if it's not that it's the beautiful bond my best friend (my sister) and I have (we're almost like twins!) which can be apreciated anytime we do "Stop" choreography while we listen to the song, this is probablythe most special "Spice-aid" I can get since my sister is te only perosn who knows me 100% and accepts me that way.

So it's been quite a hectic time for me, and here ae some pics that should've been posted during all this time.

(The last "photo session" ever with some of my High School mates taken at my graduation party)

(This one's recent, it was taken about a month ago just before Ireturned to my real home for winter holidays, you can see me with 2of my house mates. I fancy the guy on the left.. it's a huge story, al I can ay is that we're great friends, we live i the same house and both of us study Architecture.. *comes back to reality* he's sraight)

(One of my most diffiuclt projects during the semester, lol a wooden sticks bridge that had to hold at least 20 kilos)

(My first night out as a Uni boy in Mexco city)

(One of the scale model projects I made with the guy I fancy -pictured some pics above-)

"Family"

During the last days I've been having some kinda troubles with my family, it all started on Saturday morning when we were getting ready for a religious ceremony of a cousin, I decided to wear a nice shirt, a pair of jeans (Not casual looking jeans) and shoes, and this was the "huge" mistake I made.. when I was fixing my hair my brother saw me and asked me "Are u going to wear jeans?" in a surprise wayand I replied "Yes" confidently. When I finished styling my hair I went to my sister's bedroom and when she saw me she asked me the same damn thing, while I was in my sister's bedroom my brother was telling my parents about this "emergency" and soonn my dad called my name in a loud tone but I didn't reply nor went to his bedroom (He wanted to tell me to change the jeans) however when I came out of my sister's bedroom my mother saw me and asked me again if I was going to wear jeans (She tried to act natural as if I didn't knew my brother had told her about it) and I got really mad and replied "Damn why is everyone asking me the same, yes I'm going to wear jeans" , after a few moments I was in my bedroom and my sister and my mum started to talk about it and I just shouted "Yes, even if youwhisper about it I'll still wear jeans" and they didn't reply.

This made me feel awful, I just wanted to burst into tears because for the first time in my life I was being rejected by my family and it wasn't a nice experience 'cos I just started to think about how obvious this was.. I'm gay, I'm not a "normal" guy and I have a determined personality.. of course they can't accept someone like me but well thankfully I was able to control my sadness/anger and didn't cry.

To make things a bit worse next day I realised how crappy the realiton between my brother and me is 'cos he wanted to see Harry Potter's latest film and well he aksed my sister to accompany him but she said no 'cos she needed to study... he knew I didn't have to study and he wasn't bothered to ask me to accompany him :( this was a bit sad too but well I just didn't let it surprise me since I have always known my borther dislikes me for loads of reasons and I have to admit that I dislike him too but at least my reasons are worth it and I have been able to verify that each time I talk wth my sister or my parents about my brother's spoilt life/attitude (My parents accept it but carry on supporting it) and I also vefiried it yesterday when I went with my grandmother and him to a shoping centre, she wanted to buy him a b-day present and while he was in the fitting rooms she told me a lot of things about him that are true (spoilt, doesn't appreciate my dad's efforts ..)

So as you can see it hasn't been a good life for me lately but I'm happy 'cos I've been able to get over this on my own and I have to admit it just feels great to realise you're on the right track.

"Super brothers".. almost 5 years ago